Herbie, Fully Loaded
by Sister-Puce
Summary: Chapter one. Herbert and Dan try to settle into domestic life, with embarrassing results and a bit of an argument. Rated T for sexually suggestive themes. Please R&R and thank you in advance.


**Disclaimer**: No matter how much I may want to, I do not own any rights to the characters Herbert or Dan of Re-animator, the movie nor book on which it was based on.

**Author's note**: This was written over a year ago during better times. I just adore Dan and Herbert.

**Pairing**: Dan Cain and Herbert West, of course.

**Rating**: T for suggestive themes

* * *

**W**ith a big basket of clothes in his arms, Dan lumbered toward the laundry room (originally a storage closet) as Herbert stood at the side of the kitchen door with what cannot be explained as anything other than an alarmed expression.

Heaven knew what West was up to in the kitchen. His clothes were filthy. "What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Dan answered, struggling with the basket. A lone sock fell to the floor.

"NO!"

"WHA-" Daniel exclaimed as Herbert attempted to wrench the load out of his arms.

"It's my job!" The flustered scientist tried to explain but Dan tugged back.

"Geeze, get a grip!"

West's face was flush and his body, tense. Dan could not possibly fathom his actions.

"Look, we should take turns doing the chores. We can't always do the same things. It's boring."

"But you wouldn't like my cooking," Herbert replied with an ominous glint in his eye.

"Probably not. We'll just have to see." On that note, Dan pushed open the laundry room door with his shoulder and went inside.

West remained, eyes transfixed on the closed door.

* * *

Heaving a sigh, Dan set the basket on the dryer with a thud. As he reached for the detergent box, he accidentally knocked a few garments out of the basket. "Ohph," He uttered in exasperation before bending over to retrieve them from the filthy floor. As he picked one up, his hand landed on a stain. Too his dismay, the garment was a pair of underwear... and they weren't his. White boxers... Cain's face said it all. His housemate must be having some really good dreams.

Dan gingerly tossed the boxers into the washer and held his hands out at a distance.

"Oh, boy..."

* * *

When Daniel Cain came back, Herbert was nowhere in sight. As dinner time rolled around, strange aromas began to issue from the kitchen. Aromas that Dan did not like at all. Peeping inside the kitchen, Dan saw Herbert stirring something in a pot. Before he could be spotted, he ran down the hall but Herbert saw him, nonetheless, from the corner of his eye and almost allowed himself a small smile.

Almost.

* * *

Dan stared, horrified at the plate before him. Tiny russet potatoes, steamed broccoli with carrots and a pitiful fillet of fish... the cook had just sat down and placed a napkin on his lap.

"Don't we have any butter?" Dan asked, not recalling whether or not he picked it up when he last went to the market.

"They're fine as they are, Dan. I salted them adequately."

"...Yeah, but... it's pretty blah."

Herbert let his fork clatter to the plate before emitting an embittered sigh and wiping his mouth promptly, throwing the wadded napkin on the table. "I should think, as a doctor, you would approve of this well-balanced, thoroughly cooked meal that's low in calories and cholesterol AND very nutritious, but I guess I thought wrong."

"Y' know, you're right. Absolutely," the taller man huffed and made a resigned wave at the air. The first course was completely devoid of conversation from there on out. The scraping of utensils against plates was insufferable. It's at times like that when a person swallows their loudest. When desert finally rolled around, Dan found no comfort.

"JELLO?!"

"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?" Herbert asked, on edge.

"...No. I haven't had jello since I was in college. Of course not," Dan answered him gloomily, watching the diced peaches float about in the red gel and running a hand over his mouth, dejectedly.

West sliced a thin, pie-like slice from the jiggling mass and placed it before his roomie.

"I'll get the whipped cream," Dan lit up a bit and made to get up but Herbert stopped him.


End file.
